The monster under my bed

I don't know why I'm posting this in a public place. But whatever. So I have been reading Jason DeFillippo's blog for a while now, and I guess I'll just link to his post and and paste in my comment I left.

I don't even remember what post of yours got your blog into my feed-reader, but for some reason it's survived many prunings, and it's fun to see you posting again. So, about these past few posts, it sounds like you are on the right track and it will be hard as hell to do, but you probably do need to avoid the drinking. But I'm totally hearing you. It's like if I don't have my distraction, I get depressed. I quit smoking, and I've been fat since, and I spend too much money on crap I get excited about and then drop. If I don't have something new to buy and be excited about, or a new video game to play, or a new TV show to watch, or a computer to build or whatever, I get depressed. What I should be doing is exercising, reading, getting real work done, but instead I keep falling into ruts of doing other crap. The really crazy thing for me was that I was a happy person most of my life, then as soon as I achieved my really big goals for the first part of my life, got married, a good job, bought a house, etc, I suddenly have this monster under the bed. If I don't continually feed him new CD's or books or whatever, he gets me.

I should write more, but I have learned from the times that I do successfully blog or journal that I need to just put what I can, I'll never really sit down and write the long things that I should.

I think I should add that I am super happy about my wife and house and job. There are no complaints, but it's like the fact that I don't have any huge goals to fight for makes me sad. I would rather deal with the downs I have had than not have these things (especially Katy). When I was a little kid I would sit up at night and read the JC Penney catalog. Now I sit up and surf the web. But I remember the first time I walked into CompUSA and didn't really really want anything, then Best Buy, and this past weekend I walked into the Apple Store and didn't really desire anything. It's weird. And I think that makes me sad. I just need to turn that around, instead of continuing to feed the problem.