I'll put my christmas list on here again this year. At the top:
Me Write Book: It Bigfoot Memoir
Star Wars Episode 3
The Kevin Smith movies I still don't have:
-Clerks
-Mallrats
-Chasing Amy
-Jersey Girl
new toolbox
New Third Day CD
Peter Gabriel The Hits
Beck Mellow Gold
Nirvana Boxset
Johnny Cash Live at San Quentin and Folsom
iTunes Store Giftcard
Happiness for all the little girls and boys!!
2005/12/15
2005/12/07
This is too funny
This is great. It's a list of 213 things someone in the military was instructed not to do. It made me think of the stuff Jody has to tell me I can't do at Kinko's all the time. Especially:
87. If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.
Check it out here
The explination of how these rules came down to the author:
a) I did myself, and either got in trouble or commended. (I had a Major shake my hand for the piss bottle thing, for instance.)
b) I witnessed another soldier do it. (Like the Sergeant we had, that basically went insane, and crucified some dead mice.)
c) Was spontaneously informed I was not allowed to do. (Like start a porn studio.)
d) Was the result of a clarification of the above. (“What about especially patriotic porn?”)
e) I was just minding my own business, when something happened. (“Schwarz...what is *that*?” said the Sgt, as he pointed to the back of my car? "Um....a rubber sheep...I can explain why that's there....")
To explain how I've stayed out of jail/alive/not beaten up too badly..... I'm funny, so they let me live.
I've got to paste in a couple more:
36. Can't have flashbacks to wars I was not in. (The Spanish-American War isn't over).
52. Not allowed to yell “Take that Cobra” at the rifle range.
55. An order to “Put Kiwi on my boots” does *not* involve fruit.
56. An order to “Make my Boots black and shiny” does not involve electrical tape.
119. I cannot arrest children for being rude.
130. “I’m drunk” is a bad answer to any question posed by my commander.
137. Should not show up at the front gate wearing part of a Russian uniform, messily drunk.
138. Even if my commander did it.
87. If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.
Check it out here
The explination of how these rules came down to the author:
a) I did myself, and either got in trouble or commended. (I had a Major shake my hand for the piss bottle thing, for instance.)
b) I witnessed another soldier do it. (Like the Sergeant we had, that basically went insane, and crucified some dead mice.)
c) Was spontaneously informed I was not allowed to do. (Like start a porn studio.)
d) Was the result of a clarification of the above. (“What about especially patriotic porn?”)
e) I was just minding my own business, when something happened. (“Schwarz...what is *that*?” said the Sgt, as he pointed to the back of my car? "Um....a rubber sheep...I can explain why that's there....")
To explain how I've stayed out of jail/alive/not beaten up too badly..... I'm funny, so they let me live.
I've got to paste in a couple more:
36. Can't have flashbacks to wars I was not in. (The Spanish-American War isn't over).
52. Not allowed to yell “Take that Cobra” at the rifle range.
55. An order to “Put Kiwi on my boots” does *not* involve fruit.
56. An order to “Make my Boots black and shiny” does not involve electrical tape.
119. I cannot arrest children for being rude.
130. “I’m drunk” is a bad answer to any question posed by my commander.
137. Should not show up at the front gate wearing part of a Russian uniform, messily drunk.
138. Even if my commander did it.
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